Following a bye week, the LSU Tigers enter November facing a formidable schedule of Southeastern Conference foes. The Tigers will face three straight ranked SEC opponents to start this month in Alabama, Texas, and Tennessee.
Beat all three teams, and Arkansas in the season finale, and LSU will be firmly in the College Football Playoff. Lose one game, and the Tigers’ prospects of the postseason will shrink dramatically. Lose two games, and LSU can kiss a playoff appearance goodbye.
But first, beat Alabama.
With so much on the line heading into the no-longer-annual matchup between Tigers and Tide, it’s time to rally the purple and gold gladiators with a rousing speech.
To commemorate our nation’s 250th birthday and the upcoming Veterans Day, I’ve channeled one of the most famous American speeches of the 20th century, when General Dwight D. Eisenhower addressed our troops as they headed to France to liberate the free world during WWII on D-Day.
Tiger Offense, Defense, and Lane Kiffin,
Y’all are about to embark upon the Great College Football Playoff Crusade, toward which we have striven these many months. The eyes of Baton Rouge, New Orleans, Alexandria and many more are upon you.
The hope and prayers of tailgaters, alumni, and anyone who hates Alabama, march with you. In company with our boisterous student section, NIL donors, and many a lubricated purple and gold fanatic throughout Death Valley, you will bring about the destruction of the Alabama football season, shattering the hopes and dreams of Crimson Tide fans watching from their double-wide trailers.
Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, battle tested and filled with college blue blood arrogance. Your enemy has owned you recently and knows it.
But this is Death Valley!
Much has happened since LSU lost to Kentucky in overtime. The Tigers have handily defeated Mississippi State and Auburn in subsequent games. The Southeastern Conference teams keep beating each other up, with upsets happening nearly every week. Every SEC team has suffered a loss, with eight teams having one or two losses. The SEC is up for grabs, and a trip to the conference championship game is still in sight.
Our home field environment gives LSU an overwhelming advantage, as a place where the dreams of opponents go to die. It’s time to turn the Crimson Tide!
Aid Kalen DeBoer’s evitable demise. He’s falling out of favor with the Gumps after losing back-to-back games to Georgia and Tennessee. The 85 percent of Alabama fans who struggle with literacy will be marching to Waffle Houses across the Yellowhammer State to commiserate over All Star Specials after the Tigers secure victory!
I have full confidence in your devotion to delivering vicious hits, scoring touchdowns, and making the Alabama faithful long for the days of Nick Saban. We will accept nothing less than full Victory (and corndogs)!
Good luck! And let us beseech the blessing of Mike the Tiger upon this great and noble undertaking.
Contact Andrew at ByAndrewAlexander@gmail.com