Opinion/By JEANNI RITCHIE
After a couple of private messages checking on me this morning after I alluded to some man vs. man conflict on my social media page, I began wondering if protecting one’s loved ones in silence outweighed the public good of open dialogue.
Who told us to sit down and shut up? Better yet, why did we listen?
I’ve been talking to people privately for years about workplace stress, aging parents, severe illness, financial difficulties, addiction, caregiving, bereaved parenthood, young motherhood, childhood difficulties, and mental health to name a few. There are internal conflicts, workplace issues, and difficult family dynamics.
Our stories aren’t new nor are they unique. We all have tales; a friend put in perspective succinctly for me last week.
“Ah, parenting grown children. No one prepares you for that.”
He simplified something that had tormented my mind for weeks. Why didn’t I open up sooner?
It’s not one-sided; my children have valid concerns. A middle-aged mother living a midlife gap year without abandon can be jarring.
But dialogue is necessary.
We talk in private. We run into each other in person and we connect online. Some are old friends, some new. I’ve talked to forever friends and former neighbors, exes and former enemies, and new acquaintances and former students. I’ve met strangers in stores and in online support groups with shared interests like dementia caregiving or book lovers. There might’ve been a Swiftie group or two. Or seven.
We share our hopes, our fears, our struggles, our strife. People are relieved to find out they aren’t alone; their relief etched in their faces in person and their emojis online.
We don’t need answers or advice. We just need to know someone understands.
In the South we don’t need someone taking sides. Unless we are moms with daughters. Then there are two rules:
1. Always take mom’s side in a conflict with her daughter
2. Never try to co-chair the prosecution
Healthy relationships begin with open communication. Somewhere between silence and Springer is a good place to start.
Jeanni Ritchie is a journalist and mom to four grown children, one son and three daughters.